I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
