Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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