chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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