it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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