Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
