According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize