Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
