Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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