By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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