Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
