I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
