I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
