Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So vagazzling was a success
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
