my vag is so smooth its legendary
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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