Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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