Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
