you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
