Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
