I swear she didn't look like that last week.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
