dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
