I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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