Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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