I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
