I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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