I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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