It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
