He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
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where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
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Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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