They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
