you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Terrible idea I love it