I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
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There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?