Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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