On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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