I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.