SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.