I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
