When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
