I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Boobs speak an international language.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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