We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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