Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
