I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
