I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
