she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i would punch a child for taco bell
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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