Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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