well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
