I'm lost and stupid without you.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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