i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize