Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
