The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
