I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you would pick up someone in the library
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
