so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
