You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
