The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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