Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
