If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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