he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
