now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
