you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
