How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
