dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think my vagina is haunted
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
