Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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