She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
