I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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