dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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