just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Do vagina's smell?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
