u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
