I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
