You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i drank out of a bidet.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
